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The Æthelmearc Gazette

~ Covering the Kingdom of Æthelmearc of the SCA

The Æthelmearc Gazette

Tag Archives: April Fools

Recruitment in the SCA – It’s Out There!

01 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by aethgazette in Tidings

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April Fools

The aging out of the SCA is a common topic in the SCA these days. There is a growing concern that the number of people leaving the SCA is outreaching the number of people joining the society. This is in part to members reaching the age of “retirement” in regards to the more physical aspects of the SCA, but is also due to people leaving to explore different activities. That said, there is little in the way of accurate research to determine if this “aging out” is truly happening, and if so, at what rate and why.

Early last year a council was formed to study the numbers behind this phenomenon. The council looked at the number of new members, the average time people remained members, the activities they participated in, and at what age they stop participating. Additionally, the council looked at how new members entered the SCA (demos, internet, etc.). Sadly, after several months the council determined there was in fact a slow reduction in membership, but they could not attribute a root cause.

One member of the council, Master Vulpes Miller, was not satisfied with the council findings. Master Vulpes speculated that the problem was deeper and more complex than running more demos. An expert in ancient cultures, Master Vulpes believed the SCA was suffering from the same symptoms that caused the rise and fall of similar ancient societies. Most of the council disagreed with this theory and Master Vulpes theory might have gone ignored if not for a monumental discovery last year.

Early last December Egyptologists studying the pyramids at Giza uncovered something phenomenal. For year scientists could not explain the absence of hieroglyphs inside the pyramids or why the pyramids construction differed from surrounding structures of the same time period. This was cracked open when deep scanning radar discovered the internal structure of the pyramids was not solid, but in fact was a series of rods covered with a fossilized canvas like material. This meant nothing to the Egyptologists, but upon reading the research master Vulpes identified the pyramids as what is best described as “giant advanced pup tents”. Furthermore, the lack of hieroglyphs inside indicated that the inhabitants wanted the outside of the structure to appear to “fit in” with their surroundings, but had no concern for the accuracy of the inside of the structure.

This discovery came at the same time as the unexpected release of previously top secret files documenting the UFO crash at Roswell in 1947. The report did not substantiate if the crash was a UFO, but did reveal a crash wreckage manifest that showed the “craft” was carrying a large amount of cargo including 1947 era clothing, bottled water, sunscreen, coolers, waterproof shoes, and a vast amount of alcohol.

It was not until a year later when leaving Pennsic that master Vulpes connected the dots on these discoveries. As he packed his camp he joked to himself about how his van contained almost the same items as the Roswell “craft”. It was then that he looked at his camp and noticed how the wilted grass where the camps tents once stood reminded him of something…not of this earth…crop circles!

Master Vulpes had not discovered the cause of the SCA aging, but perhaps he had discovered a solution in earth’s distant past. The evidence suggested only one thing. The earth had not only been visited before, but these visitors came to earth to recreate earth history! Much like the SCA, it was logical that other advanced civilizations might amuse themselves by recreating other cultures. Given the evidence, there was no question; aliens had traveled vast distances in over packed spacecraft and lived in primitive conditions to pretend to be us! Perhaps their influence is what made mankind obsessed with recreation! The Aliens are us; we are the aliens! Why had they stopped coming, would they come again, and if they came what advanced knowledge of recreation could they offer an aging SCA? Perhaps the answer to rebuilding the SCA was not in terrestrial demos, but in the stars.

Master Vulpes immediately set out to act on his vision and raised funds (via SCA approved means of course) to build Æthelmearc-1; an advanced deep space probe sent to explore space in search of our distant reenactment alien ancestors. Æthelmearc-1 carries the message of the SCA (current copies of the Æstel, site tokens, and important internet links) in hopes that our alien brothers will intercept and understand the message, recognize us as equals, and once again cross the vastness of space to attend events. Recruitment…it’s out there.

 

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The Strange Tale of Spring Crown

01 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by aethgazette in Tidings

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April Fools

It all started just as one would expect. Letters of Intent were sent in and reviewed, none were declined, and all the combatants and their consorts assembled on the appointed day.

The MOLs were quite pleased that there were exactly 16 fighters in the list, so the perfect double elimination tree was drawn up. While the skies looked ominous, it wasn’t raining… yet.

The procession of fighters and their consorts was held with much pomp and panoply, though the heralding in of Lord Marius Sittius as a “dark and menacing figure of malevolence, only tempered by the angelic nature of his wife, Lady Alita” did raise some eyebrows.

Darri

THL Darri is the first to withdraw

The first round started. Lord Sittius and his opponent, THLord Darri inn Valski, agreed to fight polearm. When Lay On was called, as Sittius wound up for a mighty overhead swing, Darri raised his glaive to block… and said “Owww!” To Sittius’ credit, he checked the swing without making contact. Darri had dislocated his shoulder when he threw his arms up for the block. Duke Christopher, who is mundanely an ER physician, had seen this kind of thing before and got the shoulder back in its socket, but Darri retired from the field.

What happened next is a bit of a mystery. While the MOLs were working out the pairings for the next round, Sir Thorsol Solinauga and Sir Beatrix Krieger, who were fighting for each other as usual, both withdrew from the Crown list. Some have opined that they must have had some disagreement that meant that they did not want to sit the thrones together. Others say it must have been some of the food that they shared. This correspondent has also heard that one of them drank all the port and cider the night before, and the empty cooler was discovered during the break to much recrimination.

Thorsol and Bea

Sir Thorsol and Sir Beatrix – but which of them drank all the cider?

While walking across the field to the list table, Lord Láegaire Mac Conaill found a chuckhole that nobody else had noticed until that point. Duke Christopher was once again called to give first aid. The hole was filled in, but Lord Láegaire withdrew with a twisted ankle.

Lord Robert MacEwin of Thornhill found the pollen from the trees surrounding the site set off his allergies so badly that by the second round he could not see well enough to continue. He went to the list table to withdraw from the tournament. As he walked away, he was heard grumbling something about ‘tree sex’.

Timothy

Duke Timothy shortly before the lightning strike that eliminated him from Crown

The clouds were lowering, but still the rain held off. Suddenly, as Duke Timothy and Sir Murdoch sat chatting between rounds under His Grace’s pavilion, a lightning strike hit a tree in the woods behind them. While neither of them was badly hurt, the shock induced cramps in both men’s legs, causing them to withdraw from the tourney as well. The pavilions were quickly taken down, and the rest of the tourney was moved indoors, resulting in quite a delay.

Then Duke Maynard received a message from off-site. A relative  had been taken to the hospital with appendicitis. His departure from the event was slowed only by his informing the Crown of his withdrawal as he armored down. His friends had to collect his armor and return it to him the next day. His family member has since made a full recovery.

Sir Maghnus de Cnoc an Iora, Lady Svava of St. Swithin’s Bog, and THLord Cid Hiyo had lost in the first round, and when they again lost in the second, they were out of the running. Duke Sven Gunnarsson, Baron Cormacc Mac Gilla Brigde, Sir Finn Marland O’Shannon, and Lord Sittius had all won their second bouts, so they continued on, but the depletion of the list due to withdrawals left only these four still in the running.

Cormacc

Baron Cormacc prior to damaging his helm

Baron Cormacc and Sir Finn went out to fight their bout. During the second exchange of blows, Sir Finn seemed to lose track of which set of rules he was working under, and tackled Baron Cormacc, knocking him to the ground. A hold was called, Sir Finn immediately offered apologies, and withdrew from the tourney since it was the only honorable thing to do. As Cormacc was recovering, he realized that when Finn’s helmet collided with his, it had broken one of the bars in his grill. A search was made to find a helmet that would fit him but none were large enough, and His Excellency, too, had to withdraw.

During the delay while activities were moved indoors and the MOLs were adjusting the brackets, Duke Sven and Duke Marcus had been discussing something in Swedish. Duke Marcus offered a toast and each downed their Aquavit. Then Duke Sven offered another toast, and so on…

Sven and Siobhan

Duchess Siobhan and Duke Sven confer about his possible state of inebriation

When the list was finally set for the final round, Sittius and Sven were summoned by the herald. Sven stood to get his helmet, but then quickly sat back down. He had been drinking on an empty stomach while slightly dehydrated, and had misjudged the potency of his libations. Whether it was he who decided to withdraw, or Duchess Siobhan who said he was done, there was no question that he was in no state to fight.

The Kingdom Seneschal, Duke Christopher, who had watched all of this in disbelief, requested an urgent meeting with the Crown and the Earl Marshal, Master Morien. A lot of things had gone awry, but each withdrawal had been for what seemed to be reasonable cause. In the end, only one person was left on the field who had not withdrawn or lost two bouts in the tourney. They asked the Silver Buccle Herald, THLady Sophie Davenport, to make the announcement.

And that is how Lord Marius Sittius became the Dark Prince of Æthelmearc.

I, for one, welcome our new Dark Overlord, and hope Princess Alita will restrain his more bloodthirsty impulses.

Marius and Alita 2

Dark Prince Sittius with his Princess of Light, Alita

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Peer Associates On Strike!

01 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by aethgazette in Tidings

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April Fools

Astrid

THLady Astrid is annoyed by the lack of light

After the success of last year’s Squires’ Rebellion, it’s been reported that other peers’ associates around Æthelmearc are now on strike. Distraught Pelicans, Laurels, and MODs are in negotiations to try to resolve their differences with their dependents, but the talks have stalled over a variety of issues.

Protégés are demanding more candles. THLady Astrid Vigaskegg complained “We go through candles at double the rate of other associates because we’re always burning them at both ends! It’s not fair that our Pelicans don’t give us enough lighting to do our work, especially after they stole that hour from us for Daylight Savings Time.”

Renata

THLady Renata losing sleep over her documentation

Apprentices are insisting on Fridays off so they can finish their Ice Dragon documentation before the event instead of looking up sources on their smartphones while driving to the the Rhydderich Hael at midnight on Friday. “Just one more citation…zzzzz… “ muttered an exhausted THLady Renata le Rouge as she fell asleep over her embroidery books.

And MOD’s associates have complained vociferously about the lack of any consistent naming practice. Lady Romey Feuerherrts has thrown up her hands in frustration at not being able to clearly describe her relationship with Master Clewin. “Am I a student? A cadet? A scholar? What does “scholar” even mean? It sounds like I’m studying Greek philosophy or something, instead of how to kill people with swords. I mean, really, just give me a decent word!”

Romey

Lady Romey is fed up

At “Greek philosophy,” Her Ladyship Renata briefly perked up and said “I can help with that… Just give me a moment to find the right primary source…” before dozing off again.

THLady Astrid is organizing a combined meeting of dissatisfied associates, and has plans for a union to be called “Associates For Learning – Coordinating Information and Ontology” or AFL-CIO.

The Queen is looking into the situation and is expected to deliver a statement shortly.

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Gilding Made Easy

01 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by aethgazette in Humor

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April Fools

By Master Caleb Reynolds

Nothing says “medieval manuscript” quite like the gleam of gold shining on the page. Gilding is the high wire act of the scribe’s art, the skill that can boost a scroll from “not bad” to “wow!”

caleb2Gilding can be an intimidating skill, and all too many scribes give up after a few hesitant experiments. Gilding is not as difficult as it first appears, and the results are well worth the effort. This article is the result of several minutes worth of experimentation with gilding; it’s so easy anyone can do it.

Step 1: Make your design. For this example I will be using a simple design: just some dude in a ‘T’. Pencil in the design, ink over the pencil marks, and then erase the pencil marks. I find that the end result looks better.

Step 2: Mask off everywhere on the image that you don’t want gilded.

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Take your time to make sure that you cover everything. And use good painter’s tape. Cheap tape will only disappoint. Use multiple layers as needed. A good X-ACTO knife will help you trim the tape to fit the curves and oddball shapes on your image. You might want to start off with straight lines and borders until you get the hang of it.

caleb5Step 3: Shake up your can of gold spray paint. I prefer Rust-Oleum to Krylon. I think that the Rust-Oleum gold is shinier and doesn’t require a primer. And since you don’t have to put down a primer coat, you save time.

Hold the can a couple of inches away from the paper and spray in short bursts. By spraying close to the paper, you can make sure that the paint doesn’t touch the area around your mask. And using short sprays you make sure that you don’t over saturate the paper. Use quick sprays until you cover all of the desired parts. Once you have covered all of the area, let the paint dry overnight. This is important. You don’t want to skip this step. If the paint isn’t dry, you can smudge it when you remove the tape.

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Step 4: Time to remove the tape. You can see how shiny the paint is. Krylon doesn’t look this good. Now, carefully peel up the tape. You might need an X-ACTO knife to get underneath the tape. Work slowly and peel away from the gold paint. Again, work slowly. You don’t want all of your work to go to waste. Don’t try to save the tape. It’s given all that it can give. Some of you might be thinking that you can re-use your mask on another sheet of paper and save you some time, if you want to make two copies of the same scroll. It really isn’t worth the time and effort: the tape is covered in paint and will curl up on itself. Painter’s tape isn’t that expensive.

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Once you have all of the tape removed, you can sit back and admire how nice your gilding is. And you didn’t have to mess around with gold leaf and gesso. Don’t be overly concerned with not having a perfect mask. If some gold paint bled through the edges of the tape, don’t sweat it: just paint over the errant gold and no one will notice the difference.

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With only a small amount of practice, you should be able to lay gold quickly and easily. I find this method works best for me, but please, experiment and practice for yourself. You may well find a better brand of spray paint that works better for you, and you should always strive for better results and greater accuracy. Whichever way, gilding will enhance the look of your work immensely, and make the scrolls you create treasures indeed.

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Heavy Fighters Are Being Massacred!

01 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by aethgazette in Youth combat

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April Fools

Heavy fighters beware, a new menace has been growing on the horizon!

When you least expect it, an enemy will strike you down and dance triumphantly on your still-warm corpse!

We refer, obviously, to youth fighters. Their numbers have been increasing over the past year, such that they now threaten adult fighters throughout the Kingdom. In this photo, a bloodthirsty 8-year-old has taken Master Morien MacBain’s legs and is moving in for the kill.

D1 v sparring partner

Here, a rampaging kindergartner exults over the body of his dead opponent, Lord Torstein Thorgrimsson.

Elijah beats Torstein

And here, two 12-year-olds are backing Duke Timothy of Arindale into a corner, preparing to slay him in cold blood.

Jazzy and Fox vs. Timothy

Heavy fighters, don’t let this happen to you!

Surrender to the youth fighters before it’s too late!

Happy April Fool’s Day from the Gazette Staff!

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Garb in the SCA – a New Look at an Old Problem

01 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by aethgazette in Costuming

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April Fools

One of the things that draws people to groups like the SCA is the ability to enter an immersive setting, and part of that setting is the elaborate garb people wear. To the experienced, garb is a simple idea, but to new people it can be a confusing topic. For guidance I took a look at the SCA website. It offered the following: “The Society for Creative Anachronism is an international organization dedicated to researching and re-creating the arts and skills of pre-17th-century Europe” and “The Society governing documents mandate that anyone may attend Society events provided he or she wears an attempt at pre-17th century clothing.” Frankly, this did not clear up any questions. Pre-17th century Europe is a very large time frame, and what exactly is considered “an attempt”? I mean, granted one can take a look at Google or Wikipedia for examples of pre-17th century “attempts,” but what if there are no examples of the garb a person is interested in? To better assist new people, I have created a system of two criteria that can be used to determine if garb constitutes a “good attempt.” If the garb does not meet either criteria, the person will be required to make a better attempt in order to attend events.

The Criteria:

Criterion #1: Historical documentation: The historical documentation criterion means the person has documented visual evidence supporting their garb choice. In simpler terms they have a scroll, illumination, carving, or statue that shows the garb they are wearing is correct for the time period of the SCA. If the garb meets criterion #1, they are good and may attend events.

Criterion #2: Temporarily I am calling this criterion the “Magnus Garb Suitability Standard” or MGSS. This is a working title that I expect to change once these criteria become SCA law. MGSS is broken into three assumptions. If the garb meets any two of the three assumptions the garb is considered “acceptable” and the person is allowed to attend events.

The assumptions are:

Popular cultural assumption: This means the garb fits into the popular cultural assumption of what garb of that time period might look like. Granted it might not be correct, but for the most part people will assume it is correct because it is a “popular assumption of accuracy” even if it is not historically accurate.

Disassociated temporal/cultural assumption: This means the garb is not the correct time period of the SCA, but it is difficult to tell what time period the outfit originates from and therefore it does not disrupt the atmosphere of the event. Equally, while this assumption covers cultures that might not be European, a logical connection can be made as to why the garb is acceptable.

Connected theme assumption: The connected theme assumption is used when the garb is not the correct time period of the SCA but contains elements that connect with elements of the SCA. As such, when people see it, they will assume it is correct.

Let’s look at some examples:

Here we see one of my first attempts at garb. A simple doublet and baggy shirt. It is not 100% historical, however it is an acceptable “attempt” because it meets all three assumptions. It is a popular look often seen in movies and TV shows, so people will assume it is correct at first glance. It is difficult to tell what time period it is from, but is obviously not modern. There is also an argument for connected theme because I am wearing leather arm guards, which are a common element of period garb.

 

Let’s look at another…

Here we see another attempt at garb that I call “The Dwarf”. This attempt only meets two of the assumptions. It does not meet assumption one because it is hard to determine what time period I am attempting. A fair argument, since I am actually from Middle Earth. However it is still a valid “attempt” because assumption 2 dictates that if you can’t identify the time period, but it is obviously not modern, it is a “good attempt”. Additionally it meets the rules for assumption number 3 because I am wearing armor (very medieval), have a leather mug suitable for mead or the blood of my enemies, and I am sporting a beard which is historically proven a popular choice of many cultures before the invention of shaving in 1640.

The previous examples are easy. This time let’s apply the assumptions to something harder.

Now in this example, I cannot claim assumption one because it is difficult to determine what time period or culture I am shooting for. I also cannot claim assumption number two because even though it is obviously not modern, I have opted for a plastic hat and plastic was not invented until 1987. Lastly I cannot claim assumption three because the outfit has no connected themes. This is a fail! However if I changed to a cowboy hat and added a belt knife I could easily make this work.

 

Now for something really hard…

This last outfit is difficult because there is almost no outfit to judge. However, while on the surface this may seem like a fail, this outfit meets all three assumptions. Many movies and books show medieval people with no pants or shoes. Success. This outfit might not be the correct time period for the SCA, but it also not modern. It also has two connective elements. I am wearing a sword (period) and I am carrying a flower (a historical documented element of the SCA time period).

Thank you for your time. I hope that, once made into law, these criteria will not only improve the SCA, but make it more inclusive to new people.

Happy April Fool’s Day from the Gazette Staff!

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Kingdom Stables Victim of Nefarious Plot; King Gareth Says “This Means War!”

01 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by aethgazette in Equestrian

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April Fools

The Kingdom of Æthelmearc is reeling from a discovery made by Mistress Ysabeau Tiercelin, King’s Equestrian Champion, when she opened the stall of the Mighty Freya this morning. At first she thought that thieves had been at work for there was no tossing of blonde mane, or pawing of hooves in anticipation of the morning’s hay. There appeared to be no horse at all in the stall!

Then a small movement was seen in the back corner, accompanied by a pitiful whinny. What was this thing and where was the Pride of Æthelmearc? The coloring was the same, the blaze correct…but this tiny creature was no more than waist high! After looking the animal in the eye, though, there could be no doubt. Freya had been shrunk by some magical means.

This, of course, would spell absolute disaster for the upcoming tournament season. A quick try of barding and saddle revealed the hopelessness of the situation. Tiercelin vowed revenge, and sent messengers to the King, who in turn sent for one who might be able to solve this awful mystery.

Brother Cadfael, upon arriving at the stables, made careful inspection of the grounds, the other stalls (curiously, only the King’s Champion’s horse was affected), and the surrounding countryside. It was almost evening before he returned, carrying a crumpled purple banner.

“Your Majesty,” he said, “I found this dropped in haste by riders heading eastward. I am not familiar with the heraldry.”

King Gareth took one look, and exclaimed, “I know this well! Purpure, within a laurel wreath vert fimbriated Or, an eastern crown of three grand points tipped with pearls and two lesser points, all Or.”

“What does that mean?” asked Cadfael.

“This,” said King Gareth, “means war!”

Happy April Fool’s Day from the Gazette Staff!

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The Pax Æthelmearcus League

01 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by aethgazette in Humor, SCA History

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April Fools

Here’s another in our continuing (two counts as continuing, right?) series of alternate histories. This one involves a different kind of revolt…


Pacifism wrapped in duct tape. That’s what they called it. P.C. (Period Correct) culture had run wild, they said. The history of the Pax Æthelmearcus League (PÆL) was written in the fake blood of simulated martyrs. Few recall it now, and those that do shudder to speak of it. The trauma of those trying times never seems to grow as dim with the passing years as we do. But I will tell you. I will tell you because our mock struggle meant something, dammit. We dreamed of a Middle Ages as it should have been…

The movement gained momentum slowly at first. It began with a few rogue Laurels like Mistress Chrestienne de Waterdene and Master Valgardr Gunnarsson, who said they were tired of the incessant, faux-killing and imitation mayhem every Pennsic. Every year the same people would feign being brutally slaughtered, again and again. Had it been actual battle, it would have been absolutely horrifying. We had had enough.

Pennsic fighters - Aine

Bloodthirsty fighters at Pennsic. Photo by Lady Àine ny Allane.

There had been too much bruising. There had been too many strains and wrenched joints. We had had our fill of tending the mildly injured with Tiger Balm and homemade beer. Our gorge would rise at the thought of one more case of dehydration. We were weary of carrying the weight of the Kingdom’s cultural legacy like so many milk jugs of diluted Gatorade while so many of our youth were mindlessly indoctrinated into a cult of pretend violence.

Fridrikr and Orianna - Irene

The movement’s leaders, Master Fridrikr Tomasson and Mistress Orianna Fridrikskona. Photo by Mistress Irene von Schmetterling.

Our made-up angst was simmering toward boiling. Mistress Charmaine of Falkensee wept for the pseudobrutality that would, if this were actual reality, have been visited on those who might have existed, but did not. Master Bedwyr Danwyn’s affectations of righteous rage would surely have led to some sort of not unexplosive action had they been genuine expressions of passion, but it was yet to be. The Rhydderich Hael Galligraphers’ Guild was a crackling maelstrom of counterfeit vehemence, but without true false focus. It was only when the Kingdom Ministers of A&S, Master Fridrikr Tomasson and Mistress Orianna Fridrikskona, became vocal proponents of our fabricated cause that it really hit its stride, and took flight like some sort of kite shaped like a bird or something.

At Ice Dragon, the artisans, bolstered by the brewing entries, attempted a boycott of the pentathlon until the fighters and fencers agreed to cease and desist their fictitious aggression. Mistress Felicitas Fluβmüllnerin, Mistress Alicia Langland, and their apprentices were some of the first to fall in this action – of terminal ennui. When this fanciful act of civil disobedience failed, the Pelicans and their protégés stormed the field at War Practice, vowing to drag the mock-combatants to the Great Hall and force them to actually wash the very real breakfast dishes, but they were repulsed by the water-bearers and siege engineers in a concocted rout so vicious that many good gentles swore never to eat breakfast again. Master Creador Twinedragon, Mistress Ekaterina Volkova, and their associates took many artificial casualties as they pretend-fought on both sides of this spurious argument.

Felicitas and crew - Felicitas

Mistress Felicitas and her pacifist minions in the movement’s uniform. Photo by Mistress Felicitas.

Finally, at Pennsic 47, the forces of PÆL could take no more, and what had been a series of inauthentic skirmishes erupted into make-believe, full-scale, peaceful violence.

Fridrikr procession - Ekat

Master Fridrikr leads the pacifists onto the field. Photo by Lady Amalie Reinhardt.

Naturally, it was the Heralds who led the charge, meticulously correctly emblazoned banners flying. They’d had enough of people who knew no difference between “vivat” and “vivant,” blaming the fighters for the Kingdom’s ignorance on a matter of such dire import. As former Silver Buccle Herald, Master Fridrikr organized them into a cohesive unit that, along with the cooks, weavers, blacksmiths, bards, leatherworkers, scribes, embroiderers, and seamsters, took down every Knight and MoD on the field with an affected efficiency so whimsically ruthless that some even doubted its falsity. Master Will Parris, Earl Marshal, and Duke Christopher Rawlins, Kingdom Seneschal, joined forces with groups like House Sable Maul, the Confed troops, House Arindale, Hus Fearhaga, the Southern Watch, and the Tuchux, but to no avail. Who knew that artisans had so many potentially yet dubiously deadly weapons? Well, Master John Michael Thorpe knew….

Zoe - Steffan

Mistress Zoe, clearly at the end of her rope, pleading for mercy. Photo by Baron Steffan Wolfgang von Ravensburg.

After lengthy debate, the Promptly Contrived PÆL Co-Prosperity Council (PCPCPC) chose to spare the Grandmaster Bowmen and Marksman on the grounds that they targeted inanimate objects, not combatant personas, much to the relief of Baron Edward Harbinger and Master Antonio de Luna. However, the combat archers were ersatz-condemned with the rest (though Mistress Zoe Akropolitina didn’t go down without a fight).

And that, my children, is the fiercely imaginary and mythically savage history of how Pennsic 47 became the first true “Peace” fake “War.” No more would Scadians live in figmental fear that a chunk of rattan or an overly whippy rapier might temporarily end their personas’ supposed lives. No more would our children learn the ways of delusory war. Simulated swords were beaten into rather splintery and ineffectual ploughshares, and the land of Æthelmearc finally knew real peace.


This alternate history is brought to you by Master Daniel del Cavallo and Mistress Arianna of Wynthrope, who dream of a world that never was, but maybe someday could be…. Happy April Fool’s Day!

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The Swedish King

01 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by aethgazette in Humor

≈ 1 Comment

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April Fools

This year Æthelmearc has, for the first time, experienced something entirely new: a Swedish King.

The ways of Swedes being unfamiliar, we at the Æthelmearc Gazette thought we should enlighten the populace about our King and his unusual viewpoints.

Her Majesty, Queen Margerite, tells us that King Marcus believes everything is better in Sweden: Swedish cheese is better, Swedish bread is better, they have better public transportation, Swedish stroganoff, and the list goes on. Her Majesty points out that in Æthelmearc, His Majesty has a wife.

MandM - Amelie

His Majesty is reminded of why Æthelmearc is better than Sweden. Photo by Lady Amelie Reinhardt.

His Majesty apparently has a somewhat colorful past. Literally.

Marcus mohawk

Not to mention much longer hair in his youth.

Young Marcus

Stretching is mandatory for Swedes before and after fighting.

Drachenwalders on their knees at Pennsic

Duke Sven, another import from the Principality of Nordmark, notes that Swedes like rules and lines (queues), and predicts that if Marcus win a second Crown in Æthelmearc, he will force each fighter to take a number so the fighters can be paired by numbers, making it more organized.

Crown Tourney - Filippo

Margerite asks Marcus, “Are you sure about this numbering idea?” Photo by Master Filippo da Sancto Martino.

Marcus Edmund armor dump - Kelda

King Marcus with Viscount Edmund Draccator at AEdult Swim II, wondering who is going to clean up this mess. Photo by Baroness Kilde Jurgenstochter.

His Majesty has his fun side, too. Here he frolics with a jug of something potable, to the apparent consternation of his friends, including Duchess Liadain.

Landesknecht celebrating - Rachel Ashbaugh

Photo by Lady Sara Ballengee.

Swedes take their food rather seriously. Duke Sven warns that His Majesty may decide not to pass the crown to Prince Timothy due to the rumor that His Highness butters his crisp bread on the flat side.

Marcus Crispbread

Crisp bread. It’s a Swedish thing. You wouldn’t understand.

Of course, the best part of having a Swedish King is that we get a Royal couple who always make things interesting.

TRM holding sword of state - Margerite

Photo by Queen Margerite.


This article contains mostly factual information. Mostly. Thank to Her Majesty and Duke Sven for providing “dirt” on His Majesty. However, all blame lies with Arianna.

 

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Important Changes to SCA Archery Policy

01 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by aethgazette in Archery, Humor

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

April Fools

With the summer season closing in important information has just come down from the Society on critical changes to archery in the SCA. This change will be immediate and will impact events already scheduled for the 2017 season. Due to recent changes in federal law, the sale and use of all projectile weapons (including arrows, bolts, and sling ammunition) will be restricted in most if not all of the 50 States and parts of Canada. Primarily this restriction is meant to control use of primitive missiles outside of regulated hunting seasons and designated areas. These regulations are meant to close loop holes that allow people to carry and use weapons of this nature in populated non-hunting areas such as parks, schools, and similar places. Sadly the SCA makes use of many of these sites and to avoid legal issues must enact the following immediate changes to all SCA archery activities.

Starting in April of 2017 the SCA will be moving to non-missile archery. Members may continue to use their bows, crossbows, and slings, but will be prohibited from using any sort of ammunition during SCA approved activities. Members may carry quivers to better simulate the atmosphere of using actual ammunition but these quivers must be empty. Marshals will inspect all quivers for ammunition, and if found, this ammunition will be confiscated and the archer prohibited from participation. Use of the prop arrows (dowels with no tips, sticks, nerf ammo) is also prohibited. Additionally no archer may use the image of arrows as decoration on their gear as to avoid any confusion. This includes tattoos. In the interest of safety, archers and marshal are reminded it is never safe to dry fire a bow. Archers must release in a controlled manner. Optionally the archer may scream “twang!” or “Pew-Pew” during controlled release.

Scoring will be conducted by the range Marshal and will be based on the archer’s Royal Rounds score up to the point of the ban, how cool the archer looks when standing with his or her bow on the line, and generally how the other archers feel they might have progressed if the use of ammunition was still allowed. Bonus points are awarded if the archer has recently watched an archery-based movie such as Brave or Robin Hood (any version), however Hunger Games and the Avengers are excluded. All ties will be broken using rock-paper-scissors but marshals are reminded to follow the policy on rock-paper-scissors as set down in Society rules.

We apologize for any inconvenience this change causes, and as always, happy shooting.


 

This fabrication report was brought to you by Baron Magnus de Lyon.

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